Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 1, Episode 3 of HBO‘s “Girls,” entitled, “All Adventurous Women Do.”
There’s a scene at the end of this week’s episode of “Girls” (Sundays at 10:30 p.m. ET on HBO) where Hannah and Marnie dance around to Robyn’s “Dancing On My Own.” That was the moment I knew that Hannah had finally won me over. For the first time, she’s admitting that she doesn’t know everything. It’s a humbling experience, but thankfully, Robyn makes everything better.
Even though girls can identify with Hannah’s situation — well, not all girls — she never seemed extremely likable. Is she smart? It seems so. Refreshingly self-aware? Sometimes. Vulnerable? Without a doubt. Does she need a good smack upside the head? Definitely. But this week, Hannah seemed real.
Not only does she fall for yet another one of Adam’s heinous lies, but she also discovers that her college boyfriend is gay and had she been more aware and less emotionally needy in college, she probably could have figured it out. “He seemed gay,” she admitted to Marnie.
Despite being cut off from her parents in the pilot episode and losing out on a job opportunity got her extremely inappropriate date rape joke — which was almost as awkward as Ashlee Simpson’s infamous “SNL” hoedown — Hannah doesn’t seem too concerned with her joblessness. Rent is due in a week, but I don’t think she really cares. But how is she affording all of these cupcakes? Is she on a cupcake-only diet?
Since this episode is entitled “All Adventurous Women Do” (Jessa says all adventurous women have at least a couple of strands of HPV), here’s a few of the things that our favorite girls — and obviously all adventurous girls — do.
All Adventurous Women Do Accuse Their Ex-Boyfriends of Giving Them HPV
Last week, Hannah got scared after Adam revealed that he never uses condoms, so she Google searches “The stuff that gets up around the sides of condoms.” This results in a frantic — albiet hysterical — trip to the gynecologist where she reveals her life-long fear of AIDS.
This week, Hannah discovers that she does have an STD — HPV, a common virus that most sexually active adults will contract. Unfortunately, despite last week’s Google searching frenzy, Hannah wasn’t feeling lucky enough to read up on HPV to know that. When she confronts Adam, blatantly lies, telling Hannah that he was just tested “for that s—” and there’s no way she got it from him. Had she done a fraction of the paranoid research she did last week, she would have known that men can’t get tested for HPV.
Instead, Hannah reconnects with her college boyfriend Elijah, who is now gay (shock!), and accuses him of giving it to her. Unsurprisingly, he’s not happy about these accusations. If you’ve been waiting to see Hannah get a serious reality check, then this might just be your favorite scene in the entire series. Kudos to Elijah for calling Hannah out for being ridiculous.
“I think it was Maya Angelou that said. ‘We are only as blind as we want to be.’” Amen, Elijah.
“Book of Mormon” actor Andrew Rannells does a fantastic job battling it out with Dunham, who finally proves that she has some serious comedic chops. “In what way does my father read gay to you?”
All Adventurous Women Do Have Baggage
After abandoning her “Hey Ladies Bible,” Shoshanna has found a new obsession to distract her from actually living her life (and getting laid): “Baggage.” It’s her favorite show on the Game Show Network.
Basically, it’s a dating show where each woman has to pick their three least desirable qualities, and put them into suitcases. If the guy thinks they’re “super freaky,” they get eliminated. Hannah thinks that her baggage is that she’s “unfit for all paying jobs,” her obsession with cupcakes — “I just bought four and ate one in your bathroom” — and her HPV.
If she thinks that’s her biggest baggage, then she’s unfortunately mistaken. Hannah, I’m going to tell you what your real baggage is — Adam and the way that you go out of your way to please him.
He plays with her belly fat, tells her to lose weight, never takes her seriously and the only way she feels like she can get his attention is by playing into his sexual fantasies. Hey ladies, this kind of relationship is never OK, but it’s also one of those things that most girls will experience. Hopefully, you won’t be as blind as Hannah (but you probably will).
All Adventurous Women Do Flirt with Married Men
Our favorite continental drifter may not be pregnant, but that doesn’t stop her from wanted to hang out with small children. For the first time in her life, Jessa is getting a job. However, wouldn’t it seem more appropriate if Hannah were the one babysitting for money? After all, isn’t she the one that needs the money? I always thought Jessa lived off her parents’ money. Are they cutting her off too? Or is this one of her many experimental life decisions? The questions are endless when it comes to Jessa. A see-through dress, really?
Not to mention that she was totally hitting it off with the super hipster dad. And by hitting it off, I mean getting high. That’s right. It was like a scene straight out of “Juno,” except Jessa wasn’t actually pregnant and Jason Bateman had much better taste in music.
Where is this heading? I’m not really sure. I’m sensing that this may turn into Jessa’s baggage, and for this free-spirited drifter, too much baggage is never a good thing.
All Adventurous Women Do Masturbate in Public Restrooms
Three episodes in and I’m finally interested in something that Marnie is doing, even if I know it’s going to break poor Charlie’s heart.
At a work event, Marnie meets a successful, young (and extremely pretentious) artist named Jonathan, and it’s pretty apparent that the two want to rip each other’s clothes off. Surprisingly, they don’t.
Although after their evening encounter, Marnie quickly escorts herself to the nearest ladies’ room to relieve all of her sexual frustrations. Ironically, this is the first seemingly “enjoyable” sexual experience in the entire series so far. Adam and Hannah have gross, degrading sex — he thinks her belly fat is funny — while Charlie and Marnie have awkward, unpleasant sex. It’s nice to see Marnie taking matters into her own hands — literally. If Charlie isn’t going to please her, then she’ll have to do it herself, and that’s perfectly OK.
I’m sure some viewers will hate this scene. They’ll think it’s gross or unnecessary. But even Conan O’Brien had his Masturbating Bear.
All Adventurous Women Do Dance to Robyn
Yeah, pretty much.
“Girls” airs Sundays at 10 p.m. ET on HBO.
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